How the Widow got her name!

Welcome to Conversations With the Widow Fike. This should have been my first post to my newly created blog. Regardless, here is the long awaited CWTWF.

Yes, I do refer to myself in the third person. I call myself the Widow Fike; I introduce myself as the Widow, and many friends affectionately refer to me as Widow Fike or just Widow.

I always have to explain why I use the name and it is a simple explanation. If you can recall black and white cowboy movies, you may remember the gun fights outside saloons or in the hills as the sheriff and the posse would chase the bad guys. Inevitably one of the good guys in white hats bit the dust. Ha, literally and figuratively. At that point, the survivors would remark that they had to go see the “Widow (fill in the blank)”.

The day of my beloved husband Jim’s funeral, we had a Masonic service at the funeral home and proceeded to the cemetery for a short graveside ceremony performed by the Navy with taps, folded flag, and Jim’s internment. I had promised Jimmy that I would see him to the end to make sure all his final wishes were fulfilled.

My associate, Sarah, from the cemetery advised me that I could leave and they would place Jim in the crypt. I told her I would wait until he was comfortably settled in and then I would take my leave.

There I stood while the limo with Jim’s children, his cousin Al, and our neighbor Mary Frances waited for me. It was bitterly cold and there was snow on the ground, but I was not budging. Sarah kept encouraging me to leave and I refused. I had, after all, made a promise to Jim.. Sarah kept speaking to the grounds crew on her walkie-talkie and eventually they arrived. As they were wheeling the gurney with Jimmy to the open crypt, I mentioned to Sarah that Jim should be placed in feet first as he is claustrophobic. Sarah was quick to point out that in Virginia the law required a head first interment.

Really? Like the cemetery police would show up, pull him out and check?

We had a staring contest and I made it clear that my wishes would overrule some stupid Virginia law for the dead. After several minutes of feet shuffling by the grounds crew,, Sarah walked over and advised them that Jimmy would be interred feet first. The crew began to object and I heard words like, “the law”, “against policy” and the like being tossed about. Finally Sarah looked at the gents and said, “See her, that’s the Widow and she wants him in feet first. Do it, that is what the Widow wants.”

From that point on, I adopted the Widow as a badge of honor, a title of pride, and just something to use as a means of humor too deal with what was the most difficult period of my life. As time passed, I continued to use “the Widow Fike” as my title and have grow to love the moniker.

When my butt would get up on my shoulders dealing with all the situations that arose after Jim’s death I used to say, “Well they will have to have a conversation with the Widow Fike,’” and thus it began.

For years I’ve been toying with the CWTWF book and this blog is a good start to put together the five years of craziness that have accumulated since I buried Jim. Prior to Jim’s death, I used to write very, very long Christmas letters, which at times were the butt of many family jokes. I did stop writing it, but after running into an old friend, Lisa Tarro I reinstituted it much to the bane of my family. After Jim passed away I couldn't find the will or the joy to ever write another. All in all, I received more positive feedback than negative and over the years friends have asked if I’d start again.

Well, consider this the new generation of the Christmas Letter, served up in a blog, which will eventually be published, even if I become a self-published author.

In many regards, I also think this is my everlasting tribute to Jim. Without him, I could never have experienced the past five years in such a sad, funny, crazy, emotional journey. Don’t mistake my humor about this subject as demeaning Jim in any way. For those of you who know me, and those of you who will get to know me via this blog, please note that I have a wicked sense of humor, a self deprecating sense of humor, and a curios take on all things serious, ridiculous, and sublime.

If you knew Jim, then you know what a remarkable man he was, and that he too had that sly, funny sense of humor. I was never his Judi; I was his Judith. I preferred to call him Jimmy and he preferred that I didn’t. So, as we travel through my reminiscing of the past 5 years please note that Jim and Jimmy are one in the same. He was the one true love of my life, my knight in shining armor, my Captain Jack Sparrow. He was my best friend, my lover, my confidant, my world.

Now you have the introduction. Grab a cuppa and enjoy. I will disclaim that this blog will be in no particular order. I left off the first post at the start of the P.F. Chang half marathon in Phoenix and I suppose I should finish that before introducing another subject.

Regards,

the Widow Fike