Hello Speedo!

Friends that know me well and have spent time at the beach or pool with me know I appreciate a pretty body in a Speedo or thong.  I don’t discriminate. If you got it flaunt it. Be proud: show the world. In my younger days, I actually sported a thong for one short summer. I was pretty darn thin and looked pretty darn good on the front of the boat in Annapolis.

I have however thrown a quick jab at the men with the bellies hanging over a teeny tiny Speedo. Really? You thought that looked good in the store? Was there a mirror in the dressing room? Are you wearing your 16-year-old son’s suit? Ok, if you are European, you are forgiven, but American guys…please spare my eyes.

This weekend in Rehoboth Beach with my friends was a feast for the eyes. Pretty, well tanned men all over the beach, wearing fabulous Speedos. Sun tan lotion glistening on well rippled muscles, perfect hair and chiseled chins abounded. The best part of the day was that I was one of the only females on the beach. I was in heaven. It was a feast for my eyes: a buffet of gorgeous men, every woman’s dream, or not, because they were not there to look at me.

I wish my beach looked like Rehoboth Beach on a hot summer day. My beach has bloated old men with ill-tempered wives and screaming kids kicking sand. There are kids wailing about the waves, and brothers and sisters hitting each other. Now don’t get me wrong, there are the young beauties with the augmented boobs and the buff 20 something year olds playing volleyball and flexing their guns. But one has to look through a lot of interesting families to see these beautiful specimens. The exception is Caddies in St. Petersburg, Florida. There are tons of pretty people there.

So, let me first say. I do not look as good in a bathing suit as I used to. So, I can out myself right now as I rail about the sights I see on the beach. The running has helped, but I still got a bit of weight to lose, but all in all, I look better than most.

Which brings me back to 2001 when Jim began taking me to the Keys. I was pretty darn thin and could wear a pretty small bikini still. I could work it!  We spent many an afternoon lazing the day away at the pool. I have always enjoyed a day in the sun by the pool. Jim never had much opportunity to relax and just spend a day doing nothing. He was either flying a client or working the farm. Idling a day away poolside was truly a stolen moment for him.

He was so happy that the house in Tampa had a pool. Jim loved him some backyard pool. He loved the lazy days and the raucous evening parties. He loved the warm air, sunshine and palm trees. Tampa had all that and more. The Keys, had all that and the fun that Key West offers. Great bars, good food, fabulous people watching and the memories we began to make there. The Keys were to be our retirement destination.

One lazy trip to Key West, I had headed out to the pool at the hotel to soak up some sun. I was relaxing with a book and a cool drink when a shadow loomed over me.  I turned my head and blanched when I saw Jim standing there in the brightest of blue Speedos!

My mind was thinking Holly Eff Balls, I make fun of men like you on the beach and there you are standing next to me with your crazy shaped body grinning from ear to ear about the new suit.  Well, it was Jim and love makes me all gooey inside so what I said was, “New suit”?  Jim was just so proud of that suit; he smiled his little crooked smile and said, “Yes and I got it in blue because it is one of your favorite colors”.  Awww…he got blue for me! 

Truly, I am laughing as I think back to that moment. I was frozen with crazy thoughts; he was “that guy” on the beach. I also suddenly realized that I didn’t care that he SHOULD NOT be in a Speedo.  Jim could have come out to the pool stark naked and I wouldn’t have cared. Jim was ok with me in all things. I did smile with his explanation of the Speedo purchase. He said that he got the Speedo so he could get a better tan; he was tired of the farmer’s tan he’d been sporting.

So, being the ever-perfect wife, I threw him a compliment and asked if he’d stuffed a sock in it for me because he looked soooooo good. God bless that man of mine, he didn’t mss a beat and told me nope, he was all man, my man…Yup, Jim was my man.

Now, I’m a realist and I could see some of the folks at the pool reacting to his fashion show much in the way I have in the past. That is when I knew I’d evolved. I didn’t care because he didn’t care. Jim was not a buff guy; he was strong and wiry with skinny legs and his little tummy.  He was still my crooked smile guy and I didn’t care what he looked like in the Speedo. Love does that to ya!

Now, I never referred to a man’s apparatus as “junk”, but a good friend of mine, Diana did.  Since she coined that phrase for me, I have used the word frequently. So, Jim’s junk looked good in that suit…just sayin’ and I realized that over the years I should have enjoyed looking at the junk in the Speedos rather than ridiculing the men in the Speedos.

See? I’ve evolved.  No, I don’t intend to put on a thong any time soon, but I have said, “eff it” and purchased a two-piece bathing suit again.  I don’t care if folks look at me out of the corner of their eye. I want a tan on my tummy!  I get where Jim was coming from…get the tan!

From that day forward, I never saw Jim in anything but the bright blue Speedo, unless of course he decided not to wear it which is an entire blog of it’s own. So, my take on the whole Speedo thing? Who cares? Get a tan, strut your stuff, let me admire your body and your junk. Most of all be comfortable enough with yourself that you don’t care what others think. Because, I’m over it, don’t care, look at my mature body in my sassy new two piece…I’m getting a tan!