To blog or not to blog…a tough question for the Widow.

As I often say in my blog…I’ve outed myself. I’m fine with telling my story and I have no issues with telling my Jim and Judi story. I’ve pointed out time and time again that there is some information that has perpetually been fuzzy when recounting the tales of Mr. and Mrs. Fike and I have put a lot of clarity to the fuzz over the past few months.

I do date off and on. I, like many of my friends, am looking to find a relationship, and yes I’ve talked about not settling, so I continue to meet people, pop off and on the dating sites, and generally just take it as it comes.

Where I’m conflicted is how to introduce the blog to a date. If they are wise, they Google me before a date.  I certainly Google them.  Google searches will link to me in the article from last year when my home was “Home of the Week” in the Capital Gazette in Annapolis. Google will return a link to Jim’s eulogy posted at Legacy.com, and will most definitely pull up the blog.

It begs the question….Does a prospective date run kicking and screaming after reading my blog and Jim’s eulogy? Let’s face it; both are so filled with my love for Jim that maybe they think I don’t have the capacity to love again.  Quite the opposite.

I’m picky and at times the pickings are slim. I have seen girlfriends date someone just to have a date and in some cases they have married just to fill the slot. No thought was given to the consequences of the baggage being dragged into their lives. In those cases, I’d rather read a book. 

I have been out with dates that pop the marriage proposal before desert is served. Now, of course I think I’m a good catch, but could they have waited a bit? One crazy date (widower) was so proud to tell me he was going to marry me that he told me he’d leave me his entire estate. Scary.

Hmmm…maybe I should call him back…just kidding.

What’s with that? I thought men had their pick of eligible women. Again, sure I think I’m a good catch, but can we finish dinner and plan a few more dates before we rush to the altar? If I was in Vegas, I could marry and divorce all in one weekend. Hell, I could beat Brittany Spears at the rush to the altar record.

So, it begs the question…How to mention the blog?  I always feel as though I need to temper the content of the blog when talking to a date. Do I need to? After all, we are adults in our 50’s and we all have past lives.  I am blessed to have had a beautiful, loving relationship with Jim. I still would if the disease had not interrupted us.

Many of the gents I go out with are divorced. I’ve been there too, Yes, it was bitter as we wended our way to the end of the marriage and I’m well beyond any animosity in that department. I wish my ex well. He is remarried and has had a tough go of it lately with bouts of bad health, bad auto accidents, and other areas that affect many parts of his life.

I date gents that are divorced; some are widowed. The widowers have wonderful memories but I have found they are looking to replace Wife A with the Widow Fike (Wife B). They showcase their marital home as though offering it up as a trophy. Not to worry, I have my own home. So, if the house doesn’t close the deal, the fast car is paraded past my house…um gents, I have one of those as well.  I don’t want to get into the “I have, you have T chart”. I want to meet someone who wants to get to know me, to see what makes me tick, who isn’t looking to replace a relationship, but is looking to start a new one.

Yes, I often do the “speed date” of one glass of wine and dinner.  In many cases I’m dying for the check to come because it can’t end quick enough for me.  Some of the gents feel as though they have to recite their resume through the entire dinner. How about asking me a question now and then? I’m educated, well traveled, enjoy the arts and can usually carry a fairly good conscious thought from start to finish. 

But, back to the questions at hand?  At what point do I say, “You should read my blog”?  Before a date? After a date? Never?

There is certainly some interesting commentary served up in my blog in a manner than many may find salacious, intriguing, amusing, or sad. I receive many comments about my blog.  Will Paul said it is compelling and requires a Kleenex in hand when reading it and Dona Young tells me she cannot wait for the weekly postings. My friends continue to provide support on my FB page encouraging me to continue to write and eagerly awaiting the book I have in the works. But all said, this doesn’t answer the question that troubles me…”What will a date think of my blog, which at times is my confessional”?

I suppose I shouldn’t care.  After all, I knew when I undertook the blogging that I would be just as honest there as I am in all areas of my personal development. I’m, my harshest critic, I’m an open book, and I have a short fuse for bullshit! I did however make a promise to myself that I’d not blog about a gent that I have gone on a date with…perhaps in generalities, but no names, places, dates, and times. I think that would be rude and inappropriate. On the other hand, I’ll put my stuff out there. Peggie Arvidson says I’m brave…ha…probably a bit nuts is more like it.

So, if you are dating me, thinking of dating me, or running kicking and screaming at this point…have no fear…your name will not appear here.

I suppose I will go with my gut.  I can usually discern the temperament of the individual across the table from me. If I think they have broad shoulders and can handle a peak into the inner workings of the Widow, I’ll serve it up. If not, it is because it is a one-dinner date and I don’t care if they know it exists. If they have stumbled into the blog on their own and have not run kicking and screaming, maybe they will put their resume away long enough to ask me a question or two. I’ll award ten bonus points and maybe a second date for and gent having found the blog on their own!