Monday, June 27, 2011

Three Simple Words!


A few months back I received this message in my Face Book inbox from a dear friend.

The Bride and I watched a great special about Greg Giraldo tonight—funny friggin’ dude. It was just a bunch of his friends and contemporaries sitting around telling the camera stuff I’m sure they wish they’d told him. So, here’s the sappy part, you know the drill. Let’s just say I ain’t waiting for your primetime memorial tribute special—you’re an amazing soul, a beautiful person, and my life is better because I know you. That's all, just sayin'... Miss ya!

My answer:

Holy bejeesus Will, I feel as though my next blog should be my obituary...LOL...on a serious note, I get it, thanks. In fact this is a very good start for a blog and you will be sure to get some friendly fire in it:) Love to you and the Bride!

So there it is, three simple words, I Love You! You can say I love you man, buddy, friend, add whatever makes you comfortable in saying three special words. You can do like WP and say complimentary things which makes the individual special to you. I recall having a difficult time telling my father I loved him and it was when he was on his deathbed (literally) that I choked out the words and instead of I Love You…I squeaked out, “We love you Dad.”

It was easy to say I love you when falling in love because it always seems to trip off the tongue so easily. The truth of the matter is, when those three simple words have the most meaning for me is when they are not spontaneous and are meant with intent.

Jim and I ended every conversation with an “I Love You.” Our belief is that we wanted that to be the last words spoken to close any conversation just in case we never spoke again. I have embraced that thought and regularly tell my siblings and friends that I love them as I close out a phone conversation. No, it hasn’t made the phrase some jaded toss out line. It is a meaningful remark about my relationship with the individual on the other end of the line.

I recall riding in the car with a girlfriend in Tampa, and she had a conversation with her husband during the commute.  It seemed to be a typical husband wife exchange, but it seemed tinged with anger. The call ended on a less than happy note and I suggested that she should have told him she loved him at the close of the call. Holy Running Blisters! She ate me alive. She explained that they had been fighting and that she was in no mood to tell him those three simple words. I reminded her that those three simple words were in order, because if she wrecked the car and killed us both, he would only remember the parting remarks. So I called him and told him I loved him and made a lighthearted attempt at calming the storm. Three simple words.

I love all of my friends dearly. If you are reading this, you know that I am selective about the friendships I forge and when those relationships are developed we share very deep bonds. You are the friends I can call when I’m down, angry, melancholy, or happy and pinging off the charts. Now, some of you are reading this and thinking, hey, she never said I love you to me on the phone. Ok, I love you, get over yourselves…I love every one of you.

The reason I decided to write this piece today is two fold. For starters, WP messaged me last week and I saw his old message about letting folks know how you feel. NO, this is not my obituary!

On the heels of WP’s note I received the tragic news that my friend Marty lost his 23-year-old son in a tragic automobile accident two weeks ago. Marty and I have become good friends over the years. We were not a “match” made in heaven. We never dated more than few times and we realized we were not a couple, but what we did conclude is that we are very good friends. I’m his go to girl when he needs a date for a concert, Kennedy Center event, and the like (when he doesn’t have another option). I’m like “Stub Hub,” he can call me at the last minute and if I can make it…good to go!

So, a few weeks ago, I was hanging in Annapolis, Nanook was in Alaska and I knew Marty was back and forth from Fort Myer Beach and his home in Harwood that he is readying for sale. I figured we could have some dinner if he was available and we could catch up on the new job and his dating life in Fort Myer. He answered and did say he was in Annapolis and then told me about his oldest son Dan and the tragic events of the week prior. I let Marty talk, and talk he did. He needed to get things out and in the course of that long dialogue he told me he loved me. Explaining, he was not IN LOVE WITH ME, but loved me as a friend and appreciated the way we have stayed in contact and laughed and cried together the past few years as jobs have changed, finances have adjusted and relationships have, started, ended, and grown.

I took the three simple words in the fashion they were intended. He remarked that he needed to let more folks know how he feels about them, as life is so precious with no promise of tomorrow. We talked about loosing those we love and how it snaps a reality into the brain that time is fleeting and friends and family should be made aware of how we feel about them. We ended the call mostly because I was so shaken. Marty had been dealing with his son’s death for 10 days and I was rattled by the news.

When I got home, I looked online for the news report and found two memorial sites for Dan where I could post my condolences for the family. I called two of my girlfriends to talk about the tragedy and to some extent find comfort for myself as all of the Jim emotions were welling up and making me sad. I called Marty later that evening to see how he was holding up and he seemed a bit less edgy and he talked for some time about the events that had unfolded. I was a good ear to a good friend that evening. I simply let him talk until he was exhausted. It was I that had a rough night sleeping. I kicked the sheets all night as I flashed back to Jim’s illness and death, funny how it happens that way.

So by now, you are thinking Marty has something for the widow and is waiting in the wings. I have mentioned Marty in previous blogs and there is absolutely no possibility of romance. And don’t think I protest too loudly. Marty is patently aware of Nanook and Nanook is aware of Marty. At some point we will all be smoking cigars and sharing a cocktail on the balcony together.

Let’s be clear, this blog is about letting folks know how you feel.

It is so easy to lose touch with friends over the years. Face Book has been a blessing by being able to reach out across the miles to keep in touch. A quick update here and there, a funny quip, a birthday greeting or a simple LMAO is all it takes to connect with a friend. We live such busy hectic lives traveling here and there and seeming consumed by a day’s activities. We rarely call on the phone; a text has become the norm. Personally, I prefer to hear a human voice (in person), but the phone will suffice. The emotions and chuckles and funny innuendos play across the line like a symphony. I can hear the tired, the joy, the humor, and as such, there is little room for misinterpretation that is often the case with the texted message.

I feel blessed to have my sister Sue who is often my harshest critic. She grounds me and always has a keen perspective when I need an ear to bend. Nancy is the same way; she is my sounding board on all things “The Widow.” I have shed many a tear on the phone and in her home when I’m there for girl’s night. Chuck is by far the best barometer of kindness and light. He always pushes me off when I’m on my soapbox and it is never unwelcome. He questioned one time if I was unhappy with his remarks at some of my Face Book comments. My answer was, “No.” I put a lot of commentary on FB. It is often my mood of the moment, a crazy comment about some news report, or simply “French Press.” Regardless, I don’t get my panties in a wad when folks offer up their comments. If I had thin skin, I’d always be PC on FB and try to avoid criticism. FB is my playground. I don’t mean to bully, but I too push back when something hits me like nails on a chalkboard. I get de-friended by folks because they dislike my political leanings, or my religious leanings, or they are just plain bored of my chatter. S’ok. I de-friend just as often. I’ve been called out, and I’ve called out on FB. Friendly fire I call it. Can’t take the heat? Don’t post it where I can see it. LOL!

So, back to the topic…three simple words, I Love you. There are plenty of words that should be on the list as well: I’m sorry, forgive me, thanks and you are welcome. But if you can roll three simple words off your tongue, with sincerity, in any circumstance, your world will be a much nicer place.

I live in a nice place. Come for a visit on the phone, on Face Book, or in person and always remember: I LOVE YOU!

The Widow….

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