What the Eff is Going On?

So, if you have been following along you have read most of the details surrounding Jim’s funeral; from the personal articles I placed in his coffin to take along for his comfort to my cemetery representative kindly providing the nickname I use all the time, “Widow Fike.” As in all things Jim and Judi there is always the rest of the tale, this is the last piece relating to Jim’s funeral and I think it ties it up nicely.

Jim’s funeral service was performed in the chapel at the funeral home. It was most logical since the weather was bitterly cold and snow had fallen a few days earlier. The chapel is a fairly good size and the pews were packed. I was amazed at the outpouring of love for Jim. Jim and I are blessed to have an abundance of family, friends, and co-workers. Although we had requested no flowers; instead requesting donations to the Masonic Scholarship Fund or donations to hospice, we received dozens of flower arrangements. They were beautiful and it broke my heart that they would go to waste.

Jim’s children and cousins from near and far were in attendance along with several of my brothers and sisters. Neighbors from Madison and Alexandria and my co-workers and Jim’s Masonic Brothers filled the chapel. It was so comforting to see everyone coming to pay their respect to Jim. He was truly loved.

The Masons performed the full Masonic Funeral Ritual for Jim. You can take a look at the language at the following link: http://web.mit.edu/dryfoo/www/Masonry/Misc/funeral-IL.pdf Most notable about the Masonic Funeral Ritual is that it is recited totally from memory, by rote memory. The Masons file into the chapel in their lambskin aprons and white gloves and respond at particular moments during the service. It is very lovely. I am Catholic, so seeing the funeral ritual performed for Jim is much like attending high mass or a nuptial wedding in the Catholic Church. I like the ceremony; it certainly added a different element to such a mournful time. My brother-in-law Charlie, who is not often demonstrative, said it was the best funeral he had ever attended. I took that as high praise because coming from Charlie it is. Bravo Jim, you had the best funeral!

Upon completion of the ritual, John Quinley the Grand Master of the Masonic Lodge of Virginia spoke about Jim and his dedication to the craft. It was a lovely and fitting tribute to Jim. I gave Jim’s eulogy and then Jim’s daughter Jennifer, Cousin AL, and Lee Williams, Jim’s co-pilot spoke in tribute to Jim. As the last of these folks were speaking, I could hear the motorcycle engines of the County Police who would escort the funeral procession to the cemetery rumbling outside the chapel.

The funeral director had explained the necessity of the escort and explained the number of motorcycles in the motorcade was dependent on the size of the funeral party. Since we were having a very small graveside ceremony with the Navy playing Taps and folding the flag from Jim’s coffin, there would be just a few motorcycles.

The service was concluded, guests were leaving the chapel, and I stayed behind with the funeral director. I needed just a few more moments with Jim before we left for the cemetery and as with all things Jim, I wanted to see the lid of the casket closed and the flag drawn to cover the full surface. Once I had the opportunity to say a few more farewells they closed the lid and we headed out for the trip to the cemetery.

I had only one family limo for the trip to the cemetery. In the limo were Jim’s two children, Jamie and Jennifer, Cousin Al, and my dear neighbor Mary Frances who was best friends with Jim’s mother. When I stepped out of the chapel I was rocked back on my heels. In the parking lot of the funeral home were approximately 40 motorcycles.

Donny V., a good friend, Mason and neighbor in Madison is also a member of The Blue Knights. The Blue Knights is a motorcycle group consisting of former members of law enforcement, DEA and the like. Donnie had coordinated the group to escort Jim to the cemetery. So, Jim had the County Police and The Blue Knights riding in his honor (in the freezing cold) all the way to Fairfax.

We followed the hearse and the only sight was Jim’s flag draped coffin. All of the flower arrangements had been selected to go to the cemetery, to go home with me, and to go home with friends and neighbors. They were already ahead of us to be at the cemetery upon our arrival. So, if you don’t know the Virginia roadways, I’ll attempt to explain. We had to leave the funeral home and enter 395, a major roadway to then access 495, yes the dreaded Beltway. Well, I was laughing because The Blue Knights took it upon themselves to roar ahead of the processional and block all inbound ramps to both 395 and 495…and it was high noon. They literally shut down the roadways for Jim.

When I got to the cemetery, Jim’s cousin Fred came up to me to tell me he’d been listening to the traffic channel on the radio. Apparently, because the coffin was flag draped, the radio traffic announcer kept mentioning that a dignitaries funeral procession had snarled both roadways. Folks were being advised to find alternate routes. I think Jim had the last laugh and no doubt was giving a high five to Donny from his perch in the heavens!

The graveside service was very short as intended. The young Navy men who performed the graveside ceremony were so polite, yes mam, no mam; we want to thank you for your husband’s service mam. The servicemen folded Jim’s flag and presented it to me and then Taps was played.

No matter how often you see these ceremonies on TV and watch the flag folding ceremony, until it is YOUR ceremony you have no idea what emotions rise up like bile in the back of your throat. It is haunting, sad, and bittersweet. If you have a loved one that served our country, please honor them with this graveside ceremony when they are laid to rest.

I stood in the cold with the snow up around my boots and hugged and kissed friends who had accompanied us to the cemetery. Many were headed back to the Alexandria house for lunch and I would join them as soon as Jim was placed in the crypt. After the crypt confrontation, (you can read that in the blog, How the Widow Got her Name)I got back in the limo where Jim’s children, Cousin Al and Mary Frances had been patiently waiting for me. Jim’s parents and Cousin Al’s parent are both buried in the cemetery where Jimmy was laid to rest, so, we had brought some of Jim’s flowers to place with both sets of parents.

Did I mention snow on the ground? We directed the limo driver to the section where Jim’s folks are buried and Jennifer grabbed an arrangement and in her high heels, no boots, started looking for Elizabeth and Charlie’s markers. You know… the bronze ones on the ground…no upright carved marble tombstone to make finding them easy. What a nightmare, she kicked, and kicked, and looked, and looked, and time was ticking away. I was emotionally whipped…I wanted to go home and have a drink. Finally, a good 10 to 15 minutes later she kicked the right mound of snow, dropped the flowers and got back in the limo. And you guessed; the same scenario was about to be played out, around the bend, as Cousin Al begun searching for his folks in the snow.

Well, following the limo were two very close friends of mine from Baltimore. They had no clue where they were and had decided to follow the limo back to the house. And dear Lord, these women know me! They knew my cell would be in my pocket and turned on…so there goes the ringer and I answered.

First words from Bonnie,”What the eff is going on”?…well, I couldn’t really say much because there I sat with family and Mary Frances, …AKWARD…so I did what any hungry Widow would do….I exited the limo giving instructions to bring the occupants home along with all of the cards, flowers and other items from the funeral home and I hoped in the car with Bonnie and Nancy. I believe a famous quote is, “Elvis has left the building”, well, “The Widow Fike bolted the limo” and hallelujah off we went.